i don't fucking care anymore ... sadden and pissed off ... most of the things that i said are truth turn out to be lies for you ? ... fine !!! ...
never did believe in the first place ? after so many times i said it ? i'm playing you ? testing things on you ? call me childish i don't give a fuck ... no one ever knows me ... NO FUCKING ONE ... its the last straw and no more of that FUCKING species is ever getting to know me that easily any fucking more !!!
oh and an extra thing to take note ... its not your fault ... its all MINE ... i open up too much to you when i already know how much those species had hurt me again and again ... its my fault ... i should have seen it coming ... i should have prepared for it ... i should have not even fucking talk so much to those species !!! ... FUCK THOSE SPECIES !!! HURT ME ALL YOU WANT FOR I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANY FUCKING MORE !!!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
A special entry ...
no one knows, no one wonders, no one bothers but the past things that happened has always greatly affected me throughout my life until now. everyone might think its a small issue and its stupid for me to be so affected by it but to me, it matters alot. different things matter for different ppl and this is one of the thing that i hold greatly.
how much i wish for it in the past, until i am numb of it. how much i yearn for it in the past, until i am tired of it. how much i wanted it in the past, until i don't want it.
emotional pain can never be removed. scars will heal but emotional scars will never heal. no one else understands it. i am me. i think and feel differently from everyone and no one will ever feel the same as anyone. i can't let it go at all, even after so many years. its there forever ...
i don't want to say whose fault it is, nor can i say anything. i know its in the past, so make me erase my memory; forget about everything that happened. i didn't expect it to affect me so much after so many years. i can't live through it. i'm stuck at that stage forever and ever. i know its gloomy for me to say that and many people hate me for saying that but i just can't get out. i'm chained to it and weighted down by it.
i want to escape but it will come back one day. i don't want to add more misery to this pile of misery. that is why i distrust it, forgo it, prevented it. i always try to see if i can get back to the present. i keep trying and trying but i just don't see how i can get back to the present. call me stupid or idiot, i don't care.
can i ever trust it again ? i don't know. i really don't know ...
i'm tired and sick of it. i just want to die off from it. what should i do ...
i know only i can help myself but i don't see how i can help myself when i am the one who contain the past. only way is to trust it again but it will be hard, taking over mount everest.
i'm sorry i can't accept the present because the past already cast a shadow of doom over me. a shadow that blocks my present and blinds the future path.
time doesn't heal. at least not for this. maybe i should give up and stop thinking about it. its not worth anymore ...
happiness is just a mask for me. sadness is a soul that i have ...
how much i wish for it in the past, until i am numb of it. how much i yearn for it in the past, until i am tired of it. how much i wanted it in the past, until i don't want it.
emotional pain can never be removed. scars will heal but emotional scars will never heal. no one else understands it. i am me. i think and feel differently from everyone and no one will ever feel the same as anyone. i can't let it go at all, even after so many years. its there forever ...
i don't want to say whose fault it is, nor can i say anything. i know its in the past, so make me erase my memory; forget about everything that happened. i didn't expect it to affect me so much after so many years. i can't live through it. i'm stuck at that stage forever and ever. i know its gloomy for me to say that and many people hate me for saying that but i just can't get out. i'm chained to it and weighted down by it.
i want to escape but it will come back one day. i don't want to add more misery to this pile of misery. that is why i distrust it, forgo it, prevented it. i always try to see if i can get back to the present. i keep trying and trying but i just don't see how i can get back to the present. call me stupid or idiot, i don't care.
can i ever trust it again ? i don't know. i really don't know ...
i'm tired and sick of it. i just want to die off from it. what should i do ...
i know only i can help myself but i don't see how i can help myself when i am the one who contain the past. only way is to trust it again but it will be hard, taking over mount everest.
i'm sorry i can't accept the present because the past already cast a shadow of doom over me. a shadow that blocks my present and blinds the future path.
time doesn't heal. at least not for this. maybe i should give up and stop thinking about it. its not worth anymore ...
happiness is just a mask for me. sadness is a soul that i have ...
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